


reticence

by koniens



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jean Kirstein and Eren Yeager Fight, M/M, Minor Character Death, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, idk what else to say except they're just being sad angry boys like usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:22:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24814528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koniens/pseuds/koniens
Summary: Eren, with the rampant temper of a tempest, for once had nothing to say at all.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Kudos: 42





	reticence

It’s Mikasa who tells him the news. 

The phone slips out of Jean’s grasp like soap. It tumbles to the floor and bounces against the ashen carpet, emitting a short series of dull thuds.

“You didn’t know?” Mikasa’s voice leaks out into the room in distorted waves. 

Jean rubs his temples with clammy hands, leaving cold streaks of sweat against his skin. He bends down to reach for his phone but it takes more effort than expected. Each ligament and joint under his flesh feels rusted over with shades of cracked copper, blurring his movements as if underwater. 

He places the phone against his ear with a trembling grip, the glass cold as ice against his cheek.

He opens his lips with a dry mouth. “He didn’t tell me,” he croaks in a voice like gravel. 

“He didn’t?”

“No.” 

“He needed you there, Jean,” she says flatly, no trace of sympathy in her voice.

“I know,” he rasps, but it’s only the dial tone he hears in reply. 

: :

  
  


Like often, Jean finds Eren facing towards the sea. 

Even without seeing his face, Jean knows that it’s him. 

He can tell by the dark hair that barely graces the nape of his neck, by the slope of his shoulders and the way he stands as if challenging the ocean itself.

“Eren,” Jean calls out, but his voice is small. “Eren,” he tries again but it’s even harder this time. He almost feels guilty for saying his name aloud, as if he doesn’t deserve to. “Why didn’t you tell me about your mom? If I had known, I wouldn’t have…” he trails off, his words abruptly receding. 

It's stupid and selfish, really. 

Jean knows he isn’t foolish enough to believe that if he had known about his mother’s death, it would have stopped him from doing what had already been done. 

Eren remains impassive to Jean’s presence. If he has heard him, he doesn’t show any sign of it. Instead he remains static, the only movement passing through him a result of the wind and not of his own accord. 

Then, without directing his gaze away from the sea, he turns ever so slightly. It’s just enough for Jean to see how the buttons on Eren’s dark suit are aligned incorrectly, his white blouse peeking through the mistakes. There’s golden sand coating the hem of his shirt, trapped within the crevices of shallow wrinkles. 

Despite his clumsiness, it's mystifying to see Eren so formally dressed. The suit must have been Mikasa’s idea for the funeral today---an attempt to please their mother one final time before she was buried beneath soil and reclaimed by the earth. But even his prescribed ornate attire isn’t enough to distract from his gauche and dishevelled state. 

Yet the unkempt juxtaposition is just like Eren. In fact, it’s almost expected. 

The only thing that truly shocks Jean, and what unsettles him deeply, is how calm Eren looks.

He’s almost serene.

His hands are tucked into his pockets, his posture settled into a lazy slouch as he stares out into the ocean with an uninterested gaze. 

It makes Jean feel sick. There’s a disconcerting lurch creeping into his stomach. 

“Why aren’t you mad?” he accuses angrily, his words like gunfire. “Why aren’t you acting like you always do, when I fuck up?” He staggers closer, his hesitant, sloppy footing almost causing him to fall forwards into the sand. “I cheated on you with Marco, didn’t I? Why aren’t you throwing a fucking fit?” The listless silence enshrouding Eren’s lack of reply is enough to make Jean snap. “Be fucking mad at me, _goddamnit!_ ” he snarls, frenziedly shoving Eren with enough force to make him stumble. “You… you should be mad at me.” It’s almost a whisper, barely audible above the unforgiving thunder of the ocean. 

The stillness that follows is insufferable. 

Eren’s reticence is unbearable, it sheathes and snakes around Jean’s throat, robbing him of his breath. It’s a fitting punishment for someone like him, who never shuts up. 

The sharp crack of Eren’s knuckles against Jean’s jaw is what finally slices through the silence.

Jean lumbers backward, his heels digging into the sand with each step. Shock flashes through his face and he brings a shaking hand to his temple. Searing pain erupts where his fingers brush against skin. He stares at Eren with a wavering gaze, whose dark hair whips violently in the wind. The storm entrapped within his emerald eyes parallels the crashing waves of the ocean behind. 

“Are you happy now?” The words leave Eren’s lips as a statement, never a question. 

Jean swallows hard. Even more than his indifference, Eren’s voice suffocates him, gripping Jean’s throat with cold calloused hands. It’s not the words Eren speak that strike fear but rather, the way they’re devoid of anger and calamity. His controlled, calm tone is like a stranger to the fury buried in his eyes. It’s unlike him. It’s as if the voice coming out of Eren doesn’t belong to him at all.

This time, it’s Jean’s turn to remain silent as Eren continues to pound blunted blows against his chest. Between every punch, Eren angrily wipes the tears trickling down his cheeks with the back of his hand. Each strike is weaker than the last until they resemble a small child’s, devoid of strength. His arms eventually fall to his side and his shoulders tremble violently. Jean wraps his arms around him and for the first time, Eren who always seemed so strong, was frail in his embrace.

_ “I’m sorry,” _ Jean whispers, his words faint against Eren’s wails intertwined with the waves of the ocean. “I’m sorry.”


End file.
